See, it’s not that hard to do. So what is it about some rappers that think that they can say something and we would not be listening. I have collected the top 5 worst lyrics in the history of hip hop and I present them to you in written form so you can digest (and eventually regurgitate) them for yourselves.

5. L-Fudge-“Show Me Your Gratitude” , “You couldn’t hang if you were male genitalia.”

4. Flavor Flav-“Cold Lampin With Flavor Flav”, “We got Magnum Brown, Shoothkie-Valoothki/super-califraga-hestik-alaagoothki/you could put dat in ya don’t know what I said book/took-look-yuk-duk-wuk

3. Tabi Bonney-“The Pocket”, “You ain’t got the heart if you ain’t an organ donor/if she got a level head I’m right up on her/on her, on her/speaking of head I’m go ahead and stay ahead at the mall/you can find Bonney runway and boutiques, not the mall.”

2. Lil’ Flip on Three 6 Mafia’s “Ridin Spinners”, “I’m Lil Flipper and I’m a top ten seller/everybody slowin’ down cause my drop is yellow”

1. Hurricane Chris “A Bay Bay”, “It’s so hot in the club/I ain’t got no shoes on”

SLAMEVIL.org is up! The SLAM EVIL! movement has started. DJ Venom, the Ugly Poet, Baloo, Guillaume Dolorean and myself recorded our first podcast last Wednesday and posted it Friday morning. We can be found on the iTunes music store if you search SLAM EVIL. It’s under podcast or you can just click this

We will try to record one every week. We record on Wednesday night and try to post it Thursday or Friday. DJ Venom does a 20 minute mix at the end of the show which he will try to keep this up. He has a lot on his plate getting the background music and everything else. But as long a 3 members are on we will always be recording. So it’s an hour and 35 minutes and hour and 12 of us talking. We recorded the second last night.
We want to heard from the community on this so leave a comment on the page if there is a topic or something we can fix about the show.

We also have a mail bag! Slamevil@gutterspaced.com
I am working on the look. It’s not final. I picked the same template as my site. Don’t worry the flare is coming.

Subscribe to the RSS feeds on the site and get you none audio stuff from the agents.

Hip Hop is alive.

That’s right BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.. You can get yo Chik’n Stik’ns with Hip hop honey mustard! Be sure you check out Banging Bitches BBQ, Beat Breaking Buffalo or Party like a Rockstar Ranch!

They didn’t have the others names they were called Rockin’ Ranch and Big Country Buffalo. Now, when I think Chicken on a stick, i think Music all the way because of the line drawn between Chicken and Music. Why did they link these dipping sauces to music I will never know. Probably to get in with the young crowd with the marketing. I didn’t see one for BBQ so I can only amuse it was Rhythm and BBQ or something corny like that.

On the Art front.

I’m lazy right now. I’m working on customizing a guitar for a friend and a few painting but nothing I want to show until it’s finished or when I feel like it. The SLAM EVIL! portraits will keep coming but slowly because it’s now VIDEO GAME season. I’ll be starting off with BioShock today and next week Metroid Prime 3. So goodbye art for a while hello useless accomplishments.

SLAM EVIL!

I could spend the whole blog praising this masterpiece. This fifty minutes of musical perfection. There aren’t enough words to describe how good this album is. I did manage to cop some other nice albums since I last wrote and did find time to give them a listen.

Here’s the Ugly Rating System

Chloe, from Fox’s 24-complete garbage
Jill Marie Jones or Toni from Girlfriends-weak
Sam Cassell-Average
Flavor Flav-Outstanding
Condaleeza Rice-Ugly Classic

CL Smooth-American Me

I have been a fan of Pete Rock & CL Smooth since I first heard “They Reminisce Over You.” Pete Rock is one of my all-time favorite producers and CL Smooth was an influential artist to my writing style. It’s been twelve years since they released The Main Ingredient. While Pete Rock delivered Soul Survivors 1 & 2 and Petestrumentals, CL has been pretty quiet. I guess he was holding true to his “plans to retire at the tender age of 30.” Fast Forward to right now and it appears the itch returned, and CL found his way to the booth to deliver American Me. Definitely a far cry from his prestigious catalog, CL attempts to seamlessly return to rap relevance with his debut solo album. It’s definitely what you would expect from a CL album if you’ve been following him for the past fifteen years. A very mature, very solid effort for someone who’s been ghost for so long. The one glaring hole here is of course the absence of Pete Rock. The album’s production is by committee with one song produced by Pete Rock, “It’s A Love Thing,” which you can also find on Soul Survivor 2. All in all it is a decent listen if you are a fan of CL Smooth. However, I don’t think he will be gaining any new members in his fan club.

Ugly Rating: Sam Cassell

Chrisette Michelle-I Am

So my brother, Fiff, has been talking to me about this Chrisette Michelle chick. I saw the video for, “If I Had My Way” and I thought, ” Wow, this is really 90’s.” Under much coaxing I picked up her album and I must say it’s very good. Not raunchy, not too innocent. I can’t think of anyone out now who she bears a resemblance to and that’s a good thing. The thing I like most about this album is the way Chrisette manuvers her voice. She seems to kind of make a transition from jazzy to soul from song to song, giving each cut its own character. My favorite song is probably “Golden” or “Let’s Rock”. Maybe too soft for you backpackers, but a real good album.

Ugly Rating: Flavor Flav

Eagle-Hotel California

See that’s the thing about the Ugly Reviews. I will go back and purchase older albums much quicker than I will listen to somebody new. I think the newest artist I purchased was Little Brother. What is there that I can say about Hotel California that hasn’t been said in its 30 years since it was released. I don’t care what your bag is. Whether its rock, hip hop, pop. soul, jazz, whatever. This is definitely an album that your catalog can be built on. To my surprise, I didn’t hear as much straight rock as I thought I would hear. I was most impressed with the songwriting, a testament to this era in rock music. The songs are all beautifully written. This is one of those albums that you can keep on repeat on a cross country drive. I guarantee you won’t get tired.

Ugly Rating-Condaleeza Rice

The Beatles-Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

So my wife bought me Rolling Stone’s The 500 Greatest Albums of All Time. To my surprise this album was ranked number one. Of course, that caught my curiosity percolating at a high rate. However, it did take several, pick-up’s, look-over-the-song-lists, naw-I’ll-buy-it-next-times. I was too afraid to listen to anything Beatles because I felt as if I was being forcefed. But one day Fiff brought Abbey Road and Rubber Soul over to the house and I put those albums on my ipod. Rubber Soul to me was aiight, but Abbey Road was jamming. That was enough of a confidence boost for me to go ahead and drink the kool-aid. And you know what? The kool-aid ain’t all that they hyped it up to be. It’s a good album. Maybe it will grow on me over the years. I don’t know I just had my ears set for something that would instantly alter my reality. Personally, I don’t think it’s as good as Abbey Road, but like I said maybe it will grow on me over the years. So my Ugly Rating will be tentative

Ugly Rating: Sam Cassell dressed as Flavor Flav at a costume ball

Common-Finding Forever

For the past 10 years Common has been my favorite rapper. Easily the most influential hip hop artist in my life. Somehow he manages to create exactly the kind of hip hop album that I want to hear. It doesn’t seem like Be dropped two years ago. It’s still my favorite album. It’s also his most well-received album in his catalog. To deliver something that would not be overhsadowed by his masterpiece would not be an easy task. But if ever a time was ripe for him to do it, now would be the time. I mean, you see this guy everywhere. From Smoking Aces, to Oprah, to a pretty steady rotation on VH1 Soul and MTV Jams, Com seemed to be ready, nay, the world seemed to finally be ready for him. The thing that I love about this album is Common proved once and for all that he is the king of a Kanye West-produced beat. As soon as he inhales to spit his first bar on “Start the Show” you can hear the command in his voice as he delivers dope line after dope line where others, including Kanye woud’ve tried to sound cute. Common also upped the ante on his storytelling abilities. To me, that is the significant difference between Be and Finding Forever. On Be, Common’s overall delivery is a commentary of his mind, his perspective of his surroundings both good and bad. On Finding Forever almost every song is a story, finding the value in everyday life. That’s what I love most about Common. He never had to sensationalize anything to get people to listen. He raps as if he’s your longtime friend and yall are just out shooting pool or at a diner having a conversation with each other. Only thing that kind of scratches me the wrong way is “So Far to Go.” No, not the song, the song is jamming. It’s just that if you listen to Dilla like I do, you’ve heard it on The Shining. Outside of that clearly the best album of 2007. The best album since Game Theory.

Ugly Rating: The Lovechild of Condaleeza Rice and Flavor Flav

Right now I feel like Bernie Mac on Kings of Comedy.

” Oh, hol’ up Charlotte, North Car’lina. You know you be thinkin’ this sh!t, too. You just don’t be wantin’ to say it!! BLACKSUMMAMAB!TCH!!”

If you read Ken’s latest blog, yes I was there to SLAM much EVIL at the art show Sunday night @ Seven*studioz (did I get the name right?). Sadly my appearances at Seven have toned down from Steven Q. Urkle-at-the-Winslow-estate-status to almost an Eddie Murphy sighting on SNL. “Saturday Night Live? Ha!” And it’s not because my former excuse, “I’m a teacher and I have to get up in the morning to go to W.H. Linnear High School. School’s out, knocka! It’s for reasons like this past Sunday at the Art Show.

*the Ugly Poet will now step on toes, so proceed to sit Indian Style in your chair, or remain whilst I SLAM EVIL on those precious metatarsals.

Being a poet, who has had book signings and ish, I can understand what Ken probably felt that night. Listen, I know I suck. But yet and still people have been coming up to me telling me how good I am at Poetry. I’m so deep, I’m tight, yo man, I be feelin ya ish…yadda yadda whatever. By the way my books are on sale on the bookshelf or you can go online at www.multimedea.store.net (shameless plug.). Oh word, Imma holla atcha next week.

I think it’s a shame that so many people walked in there and did not leave with a $10 print. Ken may not want to say it cause he’s an AWESOME dude. I’m more like Cal Naughton, Jr to his Ricky Bobby. So I don’t care. Nothing makes me more upset to see people swarm into an occasion like an art show and think that artists can live off praises. Compliments and $1.06 can get you a bag of chips and that’s about it.

There are a lot of very talented black artists, poets, vocalists, etc. in the city of Jackson, many of whom show up at Seven and have had functions there to promote their work. If all this black art went exclusively to Flowood or that house on Old Canton Road to set up galleries you would be claiming shenanigans. That’s something that we black people, particularly those who in some way associate themselves with the Arts community need to do better. We shouldn’t rely on anyone else to support our work. Now if someone sucks…well then, that’s a different story. I can’t speak for people who suck. But if someone has talent, they should be treated as such. Not with a pat on the back, but with your money. I mean, if your dog does right even he gets a bone.

Shake N’ Bake

5. Betty Boop-The classic [Rent-a-Lover]. Betty Boop was not only one of the first animated cartoons but she was also the first one to energize the “happy stick”. Her last name was Boop. If that doesn’t spell early century ribaldry I don’t know what does. What exactly was her occupation? Only thing I can recall is her being a Candy Stripe Nurse and a Lion Tamer in her shows. Convinced yet?

4. Daphne from Scooby-Doo-Question. Everytime the gang split up, why was Freddie always choosing Daphne? What exactly did she bring to the table? Shaggy owned the dog. Velma was the brains. Freddie was the driver. That lets you know what Daphne’s role was. She was Freddie’s [concubine].

3. Smurfette-How obvious can it get? Smurfette was created by Gargamel to lure the Smurfs to him so he could turn them into gold-the latter I got from Leroi Rockwell. Hmmm. She’s sent to a village with nothing but males in order to make someone who created her rich.

2. Cindy Bear-Remember Yogi’s own [gifted actress]? She spent her whole time chasing after Yogi…that is until another bear would come and hire her services.

1. Olive Oyl-The supreme [lady of leisure]. This tramp made me sick. Here, her floozyness gets her in all kinds of predicaments-being shot out of cannons, twisted like pretzels, falling out of buildings and planes, etc. All because she can’t keep her eyes off Bluto. But as soon as she finds out that Bluto is an abusive trick she goes back running to Popeye for safety. Thanks a lot Popye. Along with being tooled by the Spinach industry and having your name used to give [urban] people high cholestorol and a strange, coonish feeling, you are the first noted Captain-Save-A-[nocturnal housemaid]. Was Popeye a captain? Or should it be something like Private-Save-A-[hired maiden]?

Shake-N-Bake

While Imus is accurate in the fact that he was fired for saying something on public radio that normally gets about 360 million spins a day nationwide without a single gasp, it does not justify his comments, nor make him any less of a fool. And I can say with 95% confidence that Imus was not listening to his favorite 2 Live Crew cd on that morning.

Now, back to the regularly scheduled program. As I stated before, I watched the second day of the discussion. The panelists were Russell Simmons, Dr. Ben Chavis, Kevin Liles, and Hip-Hop Sage-in-training, Common. Oprah basically used these four gentlemen as sacrificial lambs for the entire Hip-Hop population. It didn’t make it any better that she gathered up a group of young ladies from Spelman College who had a taste for hip hop blood. They obviously wanted someone’s head for a genre of music that uses a word as loosely as they do toward each other every day.

It was good that there was a widely televised discussion about misogyny in hip hop, which I agree is a serious issue that needs to be dealt with. But why have these four men as the atonement offering? Where was 50 Cent, Snoop, Big Boi, Jay-Z? Or better yet, where was Little X, Chris Robinson, Hype Williams, and other rap video directiors? Where was Trina and Missy? Or video [call girls]? Or better yet, where was Lyor Cohen, Robert Johnson?

One thing I hate is how the rappers and execs that are considered “conscious” have to play defendant for the rappers who are actually on trial. Jeezy and’em are on the radio and tv all day. Let them speak for themselves. They want to be grown men and use that kind of language. Let them be accountable for themselves. Did Oprah have to speak for the actions of Kenneth Lay or Martha Stewart? Only in hip hop can one pull a stunt like this.

Other thing that tripped me out was how absolutely no answer was good enough for Oprah and her minions. What do you want? Do you want Common to not rap anymore because Nelly stuck a credit card in a video [lady of the evening]’s butt? Those four guys can only be accountable for themselves. It seemed like the whole show was just an outlet for Oprah to let off some steam that’s been building up since Straight Outta Compton.

Yeah, hip-hop has a lot of baggage. By acting as a magnifying glass of inner-city America they have created a subculture that glamourizes and profits from the demeaning of women, the praise of criminal activity, and other forms of niggerdom. You can only ask that those artist who perpetrate this activity be more responsible and hold themselves accountable, like we would a radio talk show host.

Shake N’ Bake

photos by Herbert
Josiah Coltrane Brown aka Cole Train of the SLAM EVIL! Corp. Born 4.13.07 aka friday the 13th. It’s fun my mother was born on Friday the 13th in October, but Coltrane was born in the 7th year of new century. So 7 being the lucky number and Friday 13th as the bad luck day. It’s an old superstition that kid born on this day will have the opposite of bad luck but crazy Good luck. Coltrane has double that being that the lucky number 7. This kid has two awesome parents, one that you can find posting stuff on here from time to time. Funny story is that I was working on the Herb and Helena painting Thursday night at Seven* Studio and the next day BABY CITY Population +1.
So Congrats Helena and Herb. I will see the baby soon I hope. Thanks for giving me another solider in the FIGHT AGAINST EVIL!
Next Generation of SLAM EVIL! Corp solider so far

1. Baby Bone
   
2. Jake Hammer
3. Cole Train

Now, if only I can get into a relationship that will hopefully start the ball rolling. This dating thing isn’t much fun. I’m too use to being Single and when conflict or anything that annoys me rears it’s head I can just say “**** this.” I’ll be hitting my 27 years old next month. Wow, my late twenties. Luckily, Jay-Z has made the song “30 Something”, so I’m good. Just a little lonely.

“Ya’ll go to parties to ice grill/ I go to parties to party with nice girls/ Young boys gotta chill/ 30’s the new 20 *****, Im so HOT STILL” - Jay-z, 30 Something from Kingdom Come

Stop e-mailing me for new art.. because you’re not going to get any for a while. WALK IT OFF because I’m WALK IT OUT..

5. Breakin’-Like most hip hop movies, this movie is low-budget. It’s the story of how two b-boys (Turbo and Ozone) attempt to-dare I do it-”break” into mainstream dance along with the help of a young jazz dancer. The story is rather typical. But the scene with Turbo breaking with a broom after work was dope. Oh yeah, and Ice-T cameos.

4. Juice-Now here’s a movie. A hip hop thriller about four friends whose world is turned upside down when one of them gets hold of a gun and now has the “juice.” Great performances by Tupac, Darnell from Girlfriends, Sams from Lean On Me, and Omar Epps. This is without question my favorite performance from Epps.

3. House Party 1 & 3-These movies get grouped together. They had it all; jokes, a great cast, (Martin Lawrence, John Witherspoon, & Bernie Mac amongst others), Tisha Cambell back in her good looking days-What has Duane Martin done to her? I always wanted to throw a party like this, but *sigh* it never works out quite like that.

2. Wild Style-The first hip hop movie. And the thing I like about this movie is that it encompasses all four elements of hip hop. So many classic rhymes and sounds that have been borrowed to pay respect to the classic. The moving train at the beginning of Illmatic, the classic line, “here’s a little story that must be told/about two young brothers who were put on hold/…”, and who can forget the basketball scene. Busy Bee killed it.

1. Fear Of A Black Hat-How could I not put this No.1? You know, Urban Legend says that if you saw CB4 before FOBH, then you’ll prefer the former over the latter and vice versa. I am the exception. I saw CB4 and it was cool, but when Ice Cold broke down the political message behind Booty Juice and Come and Pet the P.olitical U.rest S.tabilizing S.ociety Y.es, I was through. Rusty Cundief is hilarious. And Taste T? Man I could give this whole movie away right now and spoil it for those who have not had the privelege.

Honorable Mention-Disorderlies, Krush Groove, Who’s The Man

Top 5ive Worst

5. Brown Sugar-You know, I’m supposed to like it. It was produced by my favorite NBA player Magic Johnson, Mos is in it, the whole plot of the movie is cool. But what overshadows all of these positives is the water-logged casting job. Taye Diggs? Sanaa Lathan? Boris and Nicole Kodjoe? No disrespect because each of them have a certain level of talent, but I just don’t see anything close to hip hop with any of them. Why not instead of Gaye Diggs, Terrance Howard or that young cat from Barbershop? How ’bout Regina King or Kerry Washington in place of Sanaa Lathan? And how creative is having the other boyfriend be an NBA player? It’s like they made the movie for the lonely unattractive girl.

4. House Party 2-HP 1 & 3, they did it for me. The one in between, not so much. It just kinda didn’t do anything at all. There was almost no need for it at all. No memorable jokes for me, a very typical Black professor who won’t pass you just because you’re black-okay we get the idea-and just all around boring.

3. Any No Limit Movie-How did I ever get talked into watching any one of those movies? I was just trying to be a friend I guess. The very first time I heard “Bout it”, I was just pissed. My friend let me borrow the CD. While listening to it, I called him and told him to come over and get the CD out of my stereo before I drop it down the garbage disposal. This guy had/has absolutely no talent. He had a formula though, put out as many albums and movies as you can in a month for your cult followers while you have the smallest flicker of light. Quantity over quality. I can say this. Master P did the most with his fifteen minutes than any rapper before or since.

2. Breakin 2-This sequel was crap. It turned into one of those rarely-seen Hanna Barbara cartoons that you can catch on Boomerang at 3:30 in the morning. Ozone and Turbo save a bankrupt school or something to help the rainbow of kids. Yawn!

1. Teen Witch-Normally I wouldn’t even call this a hip hop movie. But I read in one review online that it was this movie (circa 1989) that introduced hip hop to a wider audience. Now, unfortunately, it becomes a hip hop movie. I didn’t say it, they did. There’s a terribe scene that you can see on Youtube if you search under Teen Witch. The young girl’s words were so pitiful, and yet prophetic for her career, the movie, and generally mainstream America when it comes to hip hop, “I’ll never be hip.”

Dishonorable Mention-Carmen, 8 Mile, Malibu’s Most Wanted-just cause I refuse to see it.

So I pick up The Clarion Ledger this Sunday and look in the Southern Style section. I usually look through there to read up on celebrity news and birthdays. I don’t know, I just have a thing for birthdays. I digress. So I pick up the section and right on the front page of the section is a feature article. A feature article that relates to me and a deep passion of mine. It stated that the hip hop industry suffered a severe financial blow in the year 2006 with a overall loss in revenue of 21%! Now keep in mind that all genres of music dropped last year, but hip hop suffered the greatest loss. According to the CL, the cause of the sharp decline is due to the average hip hop fan being fed up with the violent overtones that have carried the music since the early 90’s.

Now, if you know me, you know I don’t just take anything someone writes without seriously evaluating it. Sure the average fan is fed up with the violent overtones if you ask two or three people who have only been listening to hip hop since ‘96. But I see several reasons why Hip Hop is, in fact dead.

First, let me say that hip hop, in my opinion, is at its least violent in recent years. I don’t hear violence, unless you call serial pillow fighting violent. Rappers nowadays don’t go too far beyond chains, rims, sex, and drugs. I think the senseless “beefing”-insert two pussykittens fighting over a ball of yarn for beefing-has gotten tiring. Not in the sense that rappers have animosity towards each other cause nothing draws a crowd like two black men fighting. But what has inadvertantly happened is a rapper will spend so much energy seeing who meows the loudest that he will not concentrate on how to really crush his foe-put out a quality album. In my opinion Canibus’ “Second Round K.O.” was better than LL’s “The Ripper Returns” or “The Ripper Strikes Back”(see I can’t even remember the name) as a song itself. But Can-I-Bus? Pure poo. See the formula now is come out with two club joints, a cameo/posse cut, a story about your life, and a Kanye produced cut and you’ve got an album. Well, the first thousand times, it was okay. But that stuff gets old. And if you’re a ‘85-er like me, that got old when it was teething. True fans want more out of an album, bottom line.

Secondly, I think the bootlegging thing is out of control. Nothing is more annoying than being flagged down while you’re driving by some clown who’s soliciting that new Yung Chester. Please, bruh, if I wanted my ears to bleed I got iTunes and Limewire. Somebody once tried to get me to check out his catalog. I asked him if he had Pharoah Sanders’ Live From the East, or some Grant Green. He looked puzzled. I said, “Exactly.” But then again, can you justify spending 18 bones on that crap that I mentioned above?

Another very important point is that Hip Hop is getting younger. Let me explain my point clearly. Hip Hoppers-us backpackers, timbo wearing, hoodies, Adidas, and five-fingered ringers are getting OLD. The cream of emcees, Jay, Common, Mos, Ghost, Scarface, Kweli, De La, UGK are OLD. But the music is progressively being marketed for a younger audience. Why should the population from 12-18 dominate the market when the majority of them don’t have jobs? No self-respecting 30 year old is going to watch 106th and Park. But this is our music. We grew up on it. It’s our culture and we still live it day-to-day. But if the Hip Hoppers are growing up, we want something that relates to us now. What’s going on is the industry is experimenting with a new market that is fickle and don’t know or have respect for the culture. I teach 9th graders at Lanier High in Jackson, Ms. I asked them what the four elements of hip hop were in a little discussion. Do you know they honestly replied, getting money, going to jail, having a car, and rapping. I gave them rapping.

This isn’t to say that there isn’t anymore quality hip hop music to listen to. If you haven’t gotten Kingdom Come yet, you had better be behind on bills or brain dead-say that 5 times fast. Groups like Little Brother and Slum Village have picked up the torch. And of course, my guy Com keeps getting better and better with every album. But when you don’t get variety, when all you get is processed, packaged status quo, that is when Hip Hop is dead. It’s not that someone puts out a snap song. It’s when that all you get on the radio is when Hip Hop is dead. Shake-N-Bake.